Circlejerk of Entitlement, or dickheads on bikes

This peloton is made up a bunch of priviledged white men who can't imagine that they don't deserve the power they have. A peloton of horror AFAIC.

Cycling really is the new Golf.

Wish I Could Be There

Are you a knobule?

 

this picture made my day

I found it in the dictionary under

"schadenfreude"

but seriously 

it's not just the 'tragedy' of so much mangled plastic,

if you routinely portage your bike on or in your car

you are a dickhead

if you drive your bike places to ride to

you are stupid

and deserve everything that the bicycle-industrial complex

sells at you

the essence of amateur is having to

or choosing to

ride to the race

race

then ride home again

that's a kind of class that is rarely seen these days

Built not Bought

last week saw this bike in north melbourne
and I thought the decal under the seat summed up an important attitude

SkyCycle - elevate bike paths over suburban railway lines

Norman Foster's vision for the future of commuting in London.

Fucking brilliant.

Coffee pays for new dynamo wheel

by buying one of these...

 and thereby avoiding having to pay one of these...

I was able to purchase this.

try it.

avoid cafes altogether and see how much you save in a year.

Ken Oath. Bloody hipsters.

seen in flinders lane
beautiful Ken Evans road frame and forks
Columbus tubes
Campag dropouts
internal top tube routing
beautiful sloping fork crown
short wheelbase
darling brake bridge
and the shittest wheelset and drivetrain
imaginable.
may the owner one day know
enough about bikes
to fully regret this build.
at least he hasn't hacked off the braze-ons. yet.

Clouds

as a cyclist
one pays attention to clouds.
especially apocalyptic ones.
these particular clouds confirm that
classical chinese painters were working
from observation
not imagination.
airliner included for scale

Pros vs amateurs: the argument for second hand bikes

ok so the battle lines are drawn

on the one side those who ride lycra and wear plastic

on the other

those who ride wool and wear steel

pros (lycra monkeys to amateurs)

vs

amateurs (re-enactment cyclists to lycra monkeys)

I put my hand up as a re-encator.

re-enactment bikes are characterised by

handlebar bags (canvas of course) attached to decaleurs,

aluminium mudguards, preferably hammered

leather saddles, etc, etc, etc

(just look at my "Like" list)

critics suggest that we amateurs are all just aping the preferences

espousing the gospel if you will

of Grant Peterson (Bridgestone/Rivendell) as interpreted by his prophet

Jan Heine (Compass Bikes/Bike Quarterly).

the accusation is that we shun modern technology 

and actively choose the old-fashioned

from some luddite/romantic motivation

that is just thinly disguised middle-class privilege

and elitism.

my response would be this.
only an idiot would think that the kind of bike they ride does anything
to set them apart from the masses.
we are all part of the great Peloton of humankind, pro or amateur.
in my situation the urge to "re-enact" comes from the urge to recycle.
it's closely aligned with what me and mine call "opp-shopping".
a good friend calls her process "garage-sailing".
it is, in effect, similar to the age old practice of gleaning.

unlike gleaning however
items may cost some money.
how little is the skill of the opp-shopper.
every purchase must be accompanied by a proud declaration of the purchase price.
"Is that an original Pucci skirt?"
"Yep. Four bucks from Wonthaggi Salvos"*.
but the sense of scavenging from around the margins
of the capitalist marketplace has great similarities
to the scavenging around the margins of the harvested field.

*my all time favourite opp-shop joke
was on 3RRR's now defunct
(nostalgia again!)
Punter to Punter
Slim asks Con what is that suit he's wearing,
"It's Yves St Laurent. I bought it from their Australian distributor
the Brotherhood of St Laurent."
Gold.**

the main quality of this process is that the item
whatever it is
must be pre-owned.
customisation is possible
but only within the limitations of searching from amongst the already-made
and the already bought-and-sold.
this process can be magic.
my wife is a master of the pre-visualisation purchase:
ask her for almost anything
and within a month she will have found it
in an opp-shop (aka thrift shop, flea market, Salvation Army, St Vincent de Paul, etc).
how is that possible?
she is seemingly drawn
sometimes to shops and locations to which
she has never been
walks through the door and there it is.
an example of Shelldrake's morphogenic field theory at work?

even better than just second-hand products

are second-hand products from defunct brands.

I love promoting Viscount bikes and wearing their tshirts

which I had to make myself by the way

because they don't exist.

I'm not actually supporting the company

just hoovering up their left overs wherever I find them.

Anti-marketing.

Nostalgia too, I'm not embarrassed to admit it.

I cause some carbon miles in getting stuff shipped from overseas these days.

But nearly everything I buy 

even if it is NOS

new old stock

was manufactured for someone other than me.

I was not the target market.

this gives me great satisfaction for some reason.

still the best is finding something remarkable

by the side of the road.

chance

or is it destiny

seems to aid the development of my vision of a bike

much better than personal taste

or desire.

I choose it because it chose me.

it is not luddite-ism or anti-technology

it is against marketing dressed up as innovation

and "progress".

the best solution

is always the simplest

and most beautiful

that uses the most renewable materials possible

even if it is a solution that was found several generations ago.

having to re-invent the wheel is a kind of ego

a kind of historical blindness

and a cynical marketing ploy 

to maximise profits through

flooding the marketplace with the suggestion

that this year's is 

by definition

better than last year's

even though both have been engineered to fail

to leave a space for next year's.

to that kind of thinking I say

just fuck off.

I'll ride my old steel bike

that wasn't made for me

but which I have adapted to be mine

and I'll be happy.

although I'll draw the line at tweed.

my bike is an aesthetic object

whose beauty in my eyes lies in the myriad small ways it solves problems

elegantly.

it is not a tool for winning races

either in the real world or in my imagination.

**one more Punter to Punter suit joke
"Del Monti suits: the people who believe suits should not only taste good
they should be good for you."
If you're over 35 and born and raised in Melbourne
you'll get it. :)

Why are bike components all black these days?

standard issue beto packrack.

like most accessories these days

powdercoated black.

people seem to accept that this is the shade 

components have to be.

same rack

stripped back to bare aluminium.

now which looks better?

a 'no-brainer' as the young people say these days.

Know your bike shop - the boutique

if you like old bikes like me

you'll occasionally have to buy old stuff for them.

there's not much that a boutique bike shop can provide other than

over-enthusiatic remarks about your bike

how it's really like one

they own

or their mate owns

and perhaps some unnecessarily high prices

but you can usually get:

(list)

a

hat

if you 

want it.

but how do you know if you are in a boutique bike shop?

well

very few bikes for a start

if any

maybe some frames.

clothing as far as the eye can see

that looks like the stuff you always leave at the op shop

but made new by university-educated white folk

so its expensive and they made

two.

staff are between 25 and 27 years of age

and either male

men or

of the masculine gender.

check closely if any staff look like they are of the feminine gender

ask yourself

does she look like she could beat you up quite easily?

if yes

you're in pony.

lots of cool phrases pepper their pitch for your business like

dude

sweet

good times

sweet

and dude.

some ride to work in their work shoes

which is lucky because their work shoes are clipless.

which is a strange term

since they are neither clipless nor clopless when

walking around on polished floorboards.

but the litmus test:

when they ask what year was your bike made

and you say

1975

and they say

oh

that's so cool 

then you know you're in a boutique bike shop.

if you don't need anything on the list

then leave quickly

your lack of obvious tattooing 

piercing

or at the very least

curated hair is offensive to their eyes

and you have brought mainstream unto their house.

Know your bike shop - the modern

if you like old bikes like me
you'll occasionally have to buy new stuff for them.
there's not much that a modern bike shop can provide other than
disdainful remarks about your bike
how it's even older than last year
and perhaps some unnecessarily high prices

but you can usually get:
(list)
tubes
tyre repair kits
some of the more common tools
gear and brake cable
grips
brake pads
um
I think that's about it.

but how do you know if you are in a modern bike shop?
well
lots of bikes for a start
as far as your eyes can see.
usually all the same brand.
staff are between 35 and 37 years of age
unless they're younger
and either male
men or
of the masculine gender.
check closely if any staff look like they are of the feminine gender
ask yourself
has she moved in the last five minutes
and
is she 3 dimensional.
if no to the first she is most likely a mannequin (see pic above)
if no to the second question
she is a promotional cut-out
or a poster.
talking to her will be slightly less helpful than talking to her colleagues.

lots of cool phrases pepper their pitch for your business like
dude
sweet
good times
sweet
and dude.

some ride to work in their work shoes
which is lucky because their work shoes are clipless.
which is a strange term
since they are neither clipless nor clopless when
walking around on polished concrete.

but the litmus test:
when they ask what year was your bike made
and you say
1975
and they say
oh
that's really old
then you know you're in a modern bike shop.
if you don't need anything on the list
then leave quickly
your bike is offensive to their eyes
and you have brought violence unto their house.

5 speed bikes are better because

even thought the Sport will have 10
because that was the way she was made
i prefer 5 speeds.
too many speeds means too many gear changes.
think of your bike as being a single speed
then when things really get tough you can suddenly remember
you've got other options.

this Ebisu probably has 10 speeds actually, but still the same idea: single front ring

5 speeds also means

half the number of gear levers and gear cables

if you like thumb shifters

it means you have the other side of your bars for 

a bell or light or cupholder or whatever

on a bike like Victor you don't need a small ring
or a granny gear because he's so light you can get up any hill
just by using your legs.

gary is a bit different

because he's so ckufing heavy it's just no fun riding him

without some pretty low gears

but he's still only got 10

not 21.