Know your bike shop - the boutique

if you like old bikes like me

you'll occasionally have to buy old stuff for them.

there's not much that a boutique bike shop can provide other than

over-enthusiatic remarks about your bike

how it's really like one

they own

or their mate owns

and perhaps some unnecessarily high prices

but you can usually get:

(list)

a

hat

if you 

want it.

but how do you know if you are in a boutique bike shop?

well

very few bikes for a start

if any

maybe some frames.

clothing as far as the eye can see

that looks like the stuff you always leave at the op shop

but made new by university-educated white folk

so its expensive and they made

two.

staff are between 25 and 27 years of age

and either male

men or

of the masculine gender.

check closely if any staff look like they are of the feminine gender

ask yourself

does she look like she could beat you up quite easily?

if yes

you're in pony.

lots of cool phrases pepper their pitch for your business like

dude

sweet

good times

sweet

and dude.

some ride to work in their work shoes

which is lucky because their work shoes are clipless.

which is a strange term

since they are neither clipless nor clopless when

walking around on polished floorboards.

but the litmus test:

when they ask what year was your bike made

and you say

1975

and they say

oh

that's so cool 

then you know you're in a boutique bike shop.

if you don't need anything on the list

then leave quickly

your lack of obvious tattooing 

piercing

or at the very least

curated hair is offensive to their eyes

and you have brought mainstream unto their house.