Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Know your bike shop - the boutique

if you like old bikes like me
you'll occasionally have to buy old stuff for them.
there's not much that a boutique bike shop can provide other than
over-enthusiatic remarks about your bike
how it's really like one
they own
or their mate owns
and perhaps some unnecessarily high prices

but you can usually get:
if you 
want it.

but how do you know if you are in a boutique bike shop?
very few bikes for a start
if any
maybe some frames.
clothing as far as the eye can see
that looks like the stuff you always leave at the op shop
but made new by university-educated white folk
so its expensive and they made

staff are between 25 and 27 years of age
and either male
men or
of the masculine gender.
check closely if any staff look like they are of the feminine gender
ask yourself
does she look like she could beat you up quite easily?
if yes
you're in pony.

lots of cool phrases pepper their pitch for your business like
good times
and dude.

some ride to work in their work shoes
which is lucky because their work shoes are clipless.
which is a strange term
since they are neither clipless nor clopless when
walking around on polished floorboards.

but the litmus test:
when they ask what year was your bike made
and you say
and they say
that's so cool 
then you know you're in a boutique bike shop.
if you don't need anything on the list
then leave quickly
your lack of obvious tattooing 
or at the very least
curated hair is offensive to their eyes
and you have brought mainstream unto their house.

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